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After this morning's confession to my parents, things seemed to be pretty good. They were until I decided that I wanted to mention to my mom about traveling to see Shawna on Labor Day weekend. My mom thinks that this is a less than good idea. To some extent, I can see her argument and even agree to it. However, I feel that it's necessary to really kick-start my relationship with Shawna. While she is only 17, and my mom tries to label Shawna with the typical 17 year-old maturity, I think that it's an unfair assumption to make.
My mom also labeled Shawna with her having no father present and reaching out to try and fill the void. I can't say I completely disagree with my mom. I think that this may have a bearing on how quickly things in my relationship have progressed. I just don't think that it's the whole story, and there's more to Shawna's feelings for me than just looking to fill that void. Maybe I'm listening to my mom too much, or I'm not listening to her enough. Either way, I think I need to learn the hard way or reap the benefits of believing in the impossible. I'm hoping for the latter.
One thing that I'm finding difficult to have to think about is that my mom's opinion on when we should meet. My mom doesn't think I should meet her until she is 18. While I can see her reasoning for it because it is kind of "dangerous" that she is 18, and I'm 21, I think it would be incredibly detrimental to my relationship that could otherwise be stronger if we were to meet earlier. I, also, don't want to have to wait 4 months to see my girlfriend. While I did live doing so, it wasn't the easiest to deal with. I can't help but to realize that the inaccessibility of my relationship with Melonie is what ultimately lead to the downfall of it, and I'm not wanting this relationship to suffer the same fate if I can have anything to do with it. Traveling to see Shawna sooner and more often would be beneficial.
Just like my relationship with Melonie, I'm forced to evaluate my relationship in its early stages and with extreme scrutiny. It's not exactly fun, and I find it to be quite unfair. Life isn't fair, so I have to roll with the punches, I suppose. I do plan on taking my mom's advice to heart, and I plan on making my own decisions through thinking it over. My mom has been through more, so her opinion isn't something I can just toss to the side, but even the most wise are still capable of making mistakes, so I'm not going to heed to every warning without first thinking over it myself.
Update: I still do plan to visit her on Labor Day weekend. The reasons why my mom stopped me from ever visiting Melonie was the whole monetary issue. The fact is, I'm more financially stable now than I EVER was with Melonie, and I still was able to fund trips to see her. Going to visit Shawna will be cheaper, and I'm financially able to support these trips. Unless there other good reasons why I shouldn't do this, I'll probably not go, but it seems like something that's going to happen for sure.
August 4th, 2007 - 22:28
Ultimately, it's YOUR choice. Whether you listen to your mom, anthony, me, or yourself…I think your choice will be a good one. WOW, my aunt just threw me a fat stack of money…holy fuck..ah..gay..$60 in ones, she said it's spending money..for like..sodas…i mean..pops lol..cigarettes, little things, but i'm definately getting more money tomorrow. Welp, I enjoy reading up on these blogs honey, in a way they keep me in touch with some of the things you can't express i suppose. I think about you constantly, and i wouldn't want anyone else on my mind but YOU. I'm so glad we're deciding to work this out, like grown ups. If your mother only knew how I REALLY am; she'd be very approving. And she would also understand why I dont have a father figure, but having you, yes in a way IS filling a void, but im bored with life, I've been looking for someone for sometime now, and no luck. But I just stumbled upon you, and I'm more than happy I did. Well, ttyl.
August 4th, 2007 - 22:42
& I'm definately NOT the typical 17 yr old, and I couldn't see myself BEING that way. Typicals aren't me, I stand out like a sore thumb. But, I guess with time, hopefully; maybe she will learn to understand our relationship, and understand that You really are the one for me, so far. But so far I'm just…speechless. Nobody has ever treated me the way you do. Nobody has EVER put me before anyone else. None of my boyfriends have ever cared the way you do, let alone they never "had the time" to talk to me everyday, and when you have a girlfriend, sorry…it's a must. I can live without it, but it's just better. Keep up the blogging, i enjoy them lots & lots.