Just two nights ago, I was thinking to myself and ranting within as to why I turned out so damn curious about everything. I wished I had been dumb and I wished I was so caught up in the rat race so I wouldn't be asking the big questions of our existence and what not .

And I have been thinking very hard about overcoming this. I have restarted, for example, my old hobby of painting models, plan to have a beer, try a smoke, and relearning how to make websites…just to venture out. I want to break my self-important nihilistic attitude. I am getting sick of seeing everything through my cynical glasses.

It's very challenging though…I try to enjoy the moment and my cynicism comes right back out in force and I once again feel like "oh what the fuck purpose does this serve"…

But I remain hopeful. Now that I have realized what needs to be done, I feel c bit confident but it's going to be a very steep climb…atleast for me.